


Discussing Crushes

by CheyRain



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Character death if you squint, Discussion of being in love, Love, M/M, One-Sided Love, Unrequited Love, angsty, holy shit angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-17
Updated: 2016-06-18
Packaged: 2018-07-15 17:01:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7231012
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CheyRain/pseuds/CheyRain
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"What's it like, being in love?" Dean asked Sam late one night as they both laid in the motel room.</p><p>Sam was in love with Jess before she died and now Dean wants to know what being in love is like.</p><p> </p><p>Holy shit does this get ansty</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"What's it like, being in love?" Dean asked Sam late one night as they both laid in the motel room. He could hear Sam shift to look at him but he stared at the ceiling like he could see the stars through it.

  
"I- It's-" Sam sighed. "It hurts a lot." Dean glanced over at that. "It's like the whole world revolves around you then suddenly it doesn't. You change a bit. Mostly in little ways. Maybe dressing a little nicer, eating a little healthier. You look up books and movies the other will like, things you might not have liked, and you find them interesting. Mostly because you can see it in your mind how the other will react. At the same time though you're terrified. What if it's wrong? What if they don't like this? What if I can't change enough? What if I change too much? But even with all those doubts you wouldn't change it for anything if they would just smile."

  
They sit in silence for a few moments before Dean sighs.

  
"I think I might be in love with Cas." He admitted gruffly, looking back at the ceiling. He could almost feel Sam's eyes on him.

"Well, th-that could be. Um, how does it feel when he smiles at you?" Sam asked softly.

"Like the whole world is lighter. Like I'm lighter. I feel like I could walk on air when he smiles, or laughs. Like nothing bad could happen again. But it kind of scares me too. I don't want it to end."

"What about when he's upset?"

"God, I- I don't know, Sammy. Are we going to go through every damn feeling Cas has?" Sam just gave him the Bitch-Face and he sighed, running his hand over his face. "I feel angry when he's upset. Like I could fight the world for hurting him. And when it's me he's upset with, I feel almost desperate to change it. I feel- I feel pathetic almost."

"Sounds like love to me."

"Thanks, that's real freaking helpful, Sammy."

"Hey, you asked." Sam was grinning now, Dean just knew it. Yep, he could hear Sam laugh a bit as he went on. "So, Dean, how long have you been having feelings for Cas?"

"Fuck you, Sammy." Sam just kept laughing and after a moment, Dean did too. "God, we're like a couple of little girls discussing crushes."

"Aww, Dean, you want to kiss Cas? Do you want to, like, go all the way with him?" Sam teased in an exaggerated voice. Dean could feel his ears burn.

"What does 'go all the way' mean?" They heard a rumbly voice ask. Dean stiffened as he looked over at Cas.

"Don't worry about it, Cas. Um, how- how much did you hear?" Dean stuttered a bit.

"I heard my name then 'do you want to, like, go all the way with him?' Were you both discussing me?" Castiel's head tilted a bit and his eyebrows furrowed as he looked at them. Dean glanced over at Sam who gave him a wide-eyed stare.

"No! We were- um, we were just discussing middle school gossip and- and- and, um, pretending it was about us, like a joke." Sam stammered trying to save the situation.

"I don't understand."

"Don't worry about it, Cas." Dean said. "Why are you here?"

"Right, I am here to discuss the seals with you."

And with that the conversation turned to work. Dean knew he would have to confess at some point, but not today.


	2. Confession Time

"So, Cas, what's Heaven's opinion on gay people?" Dean said casually, watching Castiel from the corner of his eye for any signs of unease.

"Did you mean gay as in happy or as in homosexual?" Castiel responded curiously.

"Well, you know, I mean is it a sin for men to, you know,  _do the deed?"_

"I suppose you mean have an intimate relationship, in which case Heaven doesn't care. Love is love." Castiel shrugged.

"A-and what are your views?" Castiel stared at him.

"Dean, where are you going with this?"

Dean sighed, it was now or never, "I'm in love with you." He braced, waiting for Castiel's reaction.

Castiel froze, shock evident in his face. "You are in love with me?"

"Yeah."

"I- Dean...." Castiel sighed. "I don't love you back." Dean's chest hurt. He kind of expected it but he didn't expect so much pain from those few words.

"I-" He couldn't even respond. His eyes burned.

"I am sorry, Dean. Angels don't feel love like humans do. If I could.... I don't mean to hurt you." Castiel watched him struggle to breathe before he responded in a begging tone.

"Please leave. Just please go, Cas." Castiel only hesitated for a second before leaving and Dean hit the ground crying. He stayed there for the next how-ever-long before Sam came and got him. He cried in his brother's arms about how his angel didn't love him. Sam just held him, whispering weak platitudes.

The next day Dean got out of bed and pretended nothing happened. He pretended life was normal, that nothing happened. After a while he stopped flinching and wanting to cry when Castiel was mentioned. After a while he just stopped.


End file.
